City Girl Astray

So, some of the things that I found out today were that my daughter may not get to graduate HS on time (originally scheduled programming was Class of 2008), that my son has a mysterious bruise, that my mother and little sister are insisting on staying in these bizarre unhealthy relationships and, oh yeah, I am also getting a weird feeling at work.

My son insists that he doesn't remember where he got the grapefruit sized bruise (how? I have no idea). I asked if anyone has been bullying him, and he insists, that no, no one has been. On the education front I am looking at possibly having to home school my daughter and as for my mom and sister? Well, lets just say that they both drive me nuts. When one is confronted with a situation the other is having with their significant other, they are shocked, amazed and not a little condescending in wondering just how the other can stay in their respective relationships. Now, consider this, if either one of them would take just 2 seconds to look outside themselves for a moment they would indeed see that they are in scarily similar situations.

I love my family and just want everyone to be happy. To see that they are worth their weight in gold, no...in platinum. That any guy that treats them badly for even a second, isn't "the one".

I've been there myself though, so I know what they feel, how they think. I've had the coast to coast serial dater, the abuser, the drug dealer, even the possible bi-sexual (still no confirmation on this one, I'll let ya know) in my life at some time or another. And so all I can hope for is that one day soon they will realize how terribly fabulous they are and say "see ya" to these guys.

I will try and keep closer tabs on my son, but really what's a parent to do? We can't go to school with our kids, unless we are independently wealthy and only work "for somethings to do".

On other fronts...

FYI, I can not find a Tae-bo DVD in any of my local stores. Apparently that has been replaced by "Billy Blanks Boot Camp", ugh! So I went to my on demand service and brought up 10 minute abs, yeah, I was only able to do about 3 minutes before I was panting like a woman in labor. But, I've been here before. I have to build up stamina after being a dormant hermit for so long. When I was doing Tae Bo, about a million years ago, I barely made it through the first 5 minutes of the moderate workout, which was 37 minutes long. Three months later I was doing the advanced 57 minute workout 4 days a week.

I have been feeling out of sorts lately, depressed and unfulfilled. Watching tonight's "Friday Night Lights" episode with the father/daughter dance, I was on the verge of tears. I felt like a failure because my daughter can never technically attend one of those dances (her father passed away). Meanwhile, ask me if we even have that sort of thing here, because I wouldn't have an answer. So why get so upset? I don't know.

And this whole trying to make a better life, a more exciting and satisfying life, for me and my kids has gotten me thinking of all sorts of things. Mostly about the mistakes I have made, and how they have affected my children.

I miss the wonder years, where my biggest worry was if the cute boy I liked (Albert) would talk to me that day. Where I was allowed to play outside sans parental supervision, because there wasn't a pedophile lurking on every corner. Where Saturday morning cartoons where the best thing since sliced bread and "Menudo" (remember Ricky Martins braces and curls?) was considered risque.

I don't know maybe I will feel differently tomorrow, maybe I won't, who knows.

Labels: depresssion, exercise, parenting, relationships, safety

Hola...hello.

This weekend I went shopping. Not a big deal in and of itself for most people, but for me, this is huge!

I have been rotating the same 6 outfits for work for over a year now, why? Because I refused to spend a dime on new clothes at my current size. I mean, I have a closet full of perfectly good size 6's and most of that is designer to boot, that was my motivation you see. And it worked so well, not! Anyway, this weekend for some reason, I just felt the need. The need to come into work and not look like a schlump.

Sooo, I bought some new slacks, and blouses and pretty cardigan sweaters, also some adorableunmentionables - tee hee. And the kicker? I went to the mall and bought myself the CUTEST pair of black and white zebra 3 inch heels. Just too, too adorable. I didn't wear them to work today, but I plan to this week and I know it will put everyone in a tizzy, sort of like the rare occasions I wear my hair down, "where's the bun?". LOL I cant wait to see everyones reactions.

And while I was watching "The Holiday" last night, I decided to scam some of my daughters red nail polish and paint my tootsies, and ya know what?! After they dried, I slipped on my new zebra peek-a-boo come hither heels and they looked damn good, if I do say so myself :) Très sexy!

So instead of slipping on my clunky airwalks or my trusty Timberland boots (I crave comfort) I will slide on my "Zeb's" and strut to work. Such a lilttle thing, yet even only in my apartment it made me feel so great.

So go out and snag those new shoes, get that new Haircut, or hit Victoria's Secret, you deserve it!

I did it! I decided to take the first step towards the fabulous, delectable new me, old me? No, new me, wait, okay whatever. So what was that step you may be asking, well, I submitted for a Professional Blogger position. I figured, why not? I mean the worst they can say is no, right? And going back to my talk with Shelly Reuben, she says that any writer worth her salt has at least 100 rejections under her belt.

Okay, so I would just love to get the absolute first writing gig I apply for (who wouldn’t), and it’s not like I’m actually shooting for 100 plus rejections, but either way I won’t give up. And hey, that’s an important thing is this, my new life. I must admit that as I was driving home yesterday, I kept thinking about the samples I submitted and how I could have made them better, smarter, cheekier, then I reminded myself that everyone has to start somewhere.

Anyway, I will most def keep you all on the update on that front.

As for the other parts of my life, I will tell you that where once I was a vivacious, outgoing size 6, I am now an introverted semi-recluse and a size 16. I used to go out socially at least once a week, loved to shop, attended church regularly and had a lot of interests that I actively pursued. Now I peruse my local learning annex catalog for hours on end, highlight things like Salsa for Beginners (yes people, a Puerto Rican that doesn’t dance, much), Sushi 101, and (ahem) Pole dancing for exercise. Then I slip it into my desk drawer, and after a few months, it gets recycled. So what do I do with my time, I work, I come home, I cook dinner for my kids, watch "my shows" and I read a lot. Occasionally I will visit my sister or a friend, but that happens too seldom to matter. This is how I have spent the last four or so years, I know, just too sad.

So to take back control, I will make myself a to do list every week and try and check off as many as possible. I will start with baby steps and work my way up. This weeks list...

To Do:

• Buy a Tae Bo DVD (Whenever I get near that section I feel like the skinny minis that work there are judging me)
• Actually DO the Tae Bo tape 2- 3 times in the next 7 days
• Make concrete plans to visit New York for a weekend and see my mother and other best friend, Betty.
  

For clarification I have 3, best friends that is, Jazmin from Cali - our moms were pregnant with us at the same time. Betty - we totally hated each other for a whole year when we first met at 11 years old and Monica - whom I met when our daughters were in the same 1st grade class.

These are my girls, my sounding boards, and even though we sometimes want to kill each other, they are a part of my family, you know? And since I am clearly just oh sooo comfortable spouting my friends names like water, let me properly introduce myself, my name is Lyza, so very nice to meet you.

Though I must bid you adieu for now my friends, but I leave you with this:

Success is around the corner for those who are brave enough to make the turn.
And being a hot Latina can't hurt right, look at J-Lo;) lol

Ain’t I corny? I love corny. Besos!

Hello and thanks for stopping by.

As I stated above I am in my 30's and raising my children in upstate NY. I decided to create this blog for a few reasons. One was to be able to rant, another was to have a way to chart my (fingers crossed) hopeful progress and the last was because I met with the most wonderful woman, (Author Shelly Reuben) the other day and she inspired me to embrace the good, shed the bad and chase my dreams. FYI, I have done none of the above, EVER!

I am 1 of 5 children and we struggled so much that I never really thought "outside the box" while we were growing up. I briefly flirted with what could possibly have been considered a goal at the time, and that was to become a fighter pilot in the Air Force. Granted it was after I saw "Top Gun" but after seeing my moms look of disbelief when I voiced this aspiration, it lasted all of 5 seconds. But still, it was there.

We are a surviving people, us Newyoricans (Puerto Rican born and raised or living in New York). I was an excellent student up until High School. I even got an award from the Mayor. I let peer pressure and wanting to finally fit in, lead me astray (I had returned to NY from a 3 year hiatus in Florida my mom took us on when she escaped my then abusive father and according to all of the ribbing I took I "talked like a blancita" a white girl). I became a mother at 16 and have been struggling to provide for myself and my children since then.

Granted, I have had some lucky breaks in the work arena. At 19 I scored a rockin' position at New York's "Planet Hollywood" virtually right after it opened (Ah Nepotism, my mom and aunt worked there- tee hee). I worked in the gift shop department and became a manager and employee trainer in less than a month. I reconnected with my best friend Jaz and met my sons' father there. During those few years I also worked for "Hard Rock Cafe New York" and the now defunct "Fashion Cafe". I met movie stars, super models and was working at Usher's quasi Breaking out bash.

A few years later I starting working at a Fortune 500 Reinsurance Firm on Wall Street. Not to bad for a girl from the Bronx with no High School Diploma, heh? (Since then I have gotten my GED and taken a couple of college courses).

I now work for my local FOX and My Network TV affiliate as a receptionist and Traffic Clerk. For those not in "the Biz" lol, Traffic refers to the commercials between show segments. We have 2 channels and I am in charge of the commercials for the My Network channel.

I have made excrutiating mistakes, read: both my "marriages". I have made some bad decisions i.e.: moving upstate, seemingly giving up and having no desire to keep my looks up, gaining about 65 lbs, dating the worst serial coast to coast dater/heartbreaker, not returning to church, starting to smoke again after 9 years, being too afraid to follow my passion of writing and owning my own business and not being stern enough with my children.

But I do want to find out who I really am, get back some of the old me and try new things. I want my children, family and friends to be proud of me. I want to be proud of myself.

Hope you stay along for the ride, chat with ya all later.

Labels: business, dating, goals, single parent, weight loss, writing